It started when the mother of my child decided to leave. Maybe she felt that she’s not happy with me anymore, so I just let her be in order for her to find her true destination and to find that place where she belongs and makes her comfortable.
Although it is sad and hard to accept that I would be a single dad, I can do nothing but embrace the fact. Is it hard? Yes, it is. You can ask every single parent that question and you will get the same answer. Even a couple raising a child is not easy, how much more you need to tackle it on your own, all by yourself, all by myself. Hard it is, but the happiness and that unexplainable feeling that comes to you when you see your lovely baby grow and tell you “I love you pa”, outweighs any aches, the hardships and the sacrifices you made.
Although it is sad and hard to accept that I would be a single dad, I can do nothing but embrace the fact. Is it hard? Yes, it is. You can ask every single parent that question and you will get the same answer. Even a couple raising a child is not easy, how much more you need to tackle it on your own, all by yourself, all by myself. Hard it is, but the happiness and that unexplainable feeling that comes to you when you see your lovely baby grow and tell you “I love you pa”, outweighs any aches, the hardships and the sacrifices you made.
At first I was afraid that I couldn’t be a perfect dad for my child, even now I’m still on the road to this, being a perfect dad that is. I know there could never be any perfect dad, it could never exist, but that is what I always keep in mind to encourage me and motivate me to do so, find that none existing ‘being’ called “Perfect Dad”. Perfect dad is being a father and at the same time being a mother as well. Doing so is very difficult and troublesome. Whew!
Take for example taking my baby to the mall, that’s what I usually do during my day-off, and on the jeepney sitting in the front seat, carrying her in my chest sleeping tight. I suddenly felt a warm liquid pouring down from my baby’s bottoms. Peeing in the jeepney, worst thing ever! It gave me a sigh and I just smiled to myself and pretend that nothing happened. Ha ha ha ha ha.. Funny ey!
And, on the mall, after changing her dress on the guys C.R. where everyone looks at you, you will find it very uneasy. There were always be that question on your head asking, “What are these guys thinking about me?”
And when it is eating time at a fast food restaurant, you ask your baby what she loves to eat? She’ll tell you ICE CREAM! My goodness, another unhealthy food, you have no choice but to buy her a cup or cone. Together ordering for yourself and for your baby, wondering if you’d be able to guess what she loves to eat. And if you happen to buy her spaghetti, then on the table, when she sees the spaghetti and suddenly twists her mind wanting to have fries and burger. What a headache. Then you go playing with the food just for her to take a bite to fill her stomach. Craziness, all for love. After all of these you then go to an amusement center, you buy her a ride and stuffs, emptying your pockets.
All of these just to see my baby enjoying and feeling happy, making me happy as well. Telling myself, she’s all I have, she’s what’s left of my once family. I want to be always there for her when she needs my love. I want to give her everything I can. I do this always on my day-off to make-up with her for the time I spent at work, away from her.
The saddest situation is, when your baby is not feeling well, when she’s sick, she’ll be irritable, she’ll easily cry and you can feel her discomfort. You do everything you can to pamper her, give her love and medicine, and take care of her. It will even come to a time when you have done everything and still you can feel and see your baby in pain. You just watch her, hug her tight, pray and wait for the medicines to take effect. Luckily I have a nurturing mother who helps me in these times.
Sometimes it comes to a point that I happen to tell myself, I shouldn’t have been the only one doing this, where’s her mother? My goodness. Waking up at night checking temperature levels, preparing the medicines, preparing food in the morning. Prepare some oats perhaps to fill her stomach.
Yet, after every struggle, when everything gets ok again, it makes me feel great. Makes me feel like I’m a real man. Ready to face the world raising a child alone. Arms wide open and proud. In every problem I solved and every mistakes I correct, it gives me a sense of fulfillment as a person. This is what I’m intended to do, this is the reason now why I live, no other person but me, all myself for my baby. I should impart the greatest things on this planet to my daughter. Apart from the material things that I should provide, the greatest thing for me to offer is to help her achieve Wisdom, a very important thing I myself haven’t found. For, if I have only found it, my family should have been intact still. I don’t want my daughter to follow my unpleasant path.
Wisdom is a God given gift, and if a child shall be taught the right ways to wisdom, she’ll be a master of many things, especially life. Life is a difficult field to master, and my job now is to open her eyes and make her differentiate between bad and good, set her good values, and make her strong to face the harshness of life’s realities.
To sum it all up, my world, my life, my intentions, my goal, my dreams, and my purist love shall be for my baby Christiane Francine Maning.
I love you my daughter. May you live a happy life.
